At every moment, your Creator must decide, “Should I put up once again with this little creature’s imperfections and blunders, or is it time to measure things by the scale?” Then He looks at the scale you use to measure others. And with that same measure, He measures you.

For thousands of years, Jews have been evoking the blessing of “Blessed is the True Judge” in response to death and tragedy. The entire blessing, with G‑d’s name, is as follows: Blessed are You, L‑rd our G‑d, King of the universe, the True Judge. In Hebrew it is pronounced: bah-rooch a-tah a-do-noi e-lo-hei-noo me-lech ha-o-lahm da-yan ha-e-met. While only one who personally underwent a tragedy makes the full blessing with G‑d’s name, on hearing of the death of another, many respond by saying, “Baruch dayan emet.”You may have also heard people responding to generally unpleasant news with the phrase, “This is also for the good.”

Blessings and the Opposite

What is the source for saying these statements? Let’s first start with a story that is related in the Talmud:

The great Sage Rabbi Akiva once arrived at a city. Upon arrival, he sought a place to lodge; however, no one provided him with one. He said, “All that G‑d does, He does for the good!” and he went to sleep in a field. In the field he had with him a rooster, a donkey and a lamp. A wind came and blew out the candle. A cat came and ate the rooster. A lion came and ate the donkey. Rabbi Akiva said, “All that G‑d does, He does for the good!” It turned out that an army came and captured the city. This story illustrates how even seemingly negative occurrences happen for a reason, even if that reason is not apparent, as it was in the end for Rabbi Akiva. Because of this truth, alluded to in this story, our sages said that we should always thank G‑d for the not-so-good happenings in our life, just as we thank G‑d for the good in our life.

In the words of the Mishnaic sages:

One should thank G‑d for the bad, just as he blesses G‑d for the good, as the verse says, “You shall love the L‑rd, your G‑d, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all of your means.”[The Hebrew word for “means” (me’odecha) also translates as “measure.”]

[Why does the verse say, “with all of your means”?] Whatever measure G‑d calculates for you, if it is good or bad, you should thank Him. The Talmud explains this passage as saying that the same way one blesses G‑d for the good with joy, so too one should, with a complete heart, a complete mind and willingly, bless G‑d for the not-good that befalls one.

The groom and the cup of water (how one soon to be intermarried couple's relationship changed) 

My husband and I directed an organization in Cleveland, Ohio to help Jewish immigrants from the Former Soviet Union with their physical and spiritual needs. In the 1970’s one of our acquaintances with was facing a crisis: Their child was engaged to a non-Jewish girl. The parents tried time and again to convince their son to end the relationship. They explained the importance of Jewish continuity and the graveness of ending the Jewish family lineage. They explained that right now his relationship with his fiancé is clouded by fiery love, but with time, when the couple faces real issues and decisions, the Jewish factor will become a problem. Although the parents spoke passionately, the son would not hear any of it. He had not received a Jewish education when living in communist Russia and this may have been the first time they’d ever discussed their Jewish heritage. “All people are created equal, we are no better than anyone else,” he dismissed their badgering. The parents explained that while all people are created equal, they also are given their own different and unique missions from G‑d on this world. Every person is created with a particular soul that G‑d destined for that specific person. They also explained to their son that each soul has its own potential and its own needs. For this reason, a Jew, with his or her unique soul, is destined to marry another Jewish person. The groom paid no attention to the emotional distress of his parents or their logical arguments. With their son refusing to budge despite their tears, pleading and explanations, the parents travelled to New York for a private audience with the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, of righteous memory. The meeting was short and the couple left disappointed. The Rebbe told them to encourage their son to come for an audience himself. The father was not happy, “I came to ask for advice on what to do. Why would my son listen to some rabbi he doesn’t know when he refuses to listen to me?!” The father adamantly refused to pass on the Rebbe’s message to his son. But as the wedding approached, he became more and more agitated. Their conversations became more and more impassioned until late one night the father finally blurted out that the Lubavitcher Rabbi wanted to meet him. The son willfully agreed, looking forward to some more debate, and the father arranged an audience with the Rebbe. Face to face with the Rebbe, the young man passionately argued his position. “All people are created equal. There are no differences between a Jew and a non-Jew so why does my father insist that one day issues will surface just because I am Jewish and she is not?” The Rebbe listened closely and realized the young man was not open to any further arguments against the marriage. Instead, he instructed him, “The next time you meet your future wife, the first thing you should do is ask her for a glass of water.” The young man agreed and kept to his word. The next time he visited her apartment, as soon as she opened the door, he asked for a drink of water. The young woman rushed to the sink and, in her haste, turned on the faucet at maximum strength, causing a large amount of water to spray on her outfit. Soaked and infuriated, she raged against him, “Here is your water, Kike!”

Kike is a highly offensive derogatory term referring to any Jewish individual.

The Rebbe’s insight showed the bride’s true colors at last, and the young man ended the relationship. He recognized that she held strong anti-semitic feelings, despite the good times they had. He learnt that when one is blinded by beauty, or other superficial and transient characteristics, to the extent of marginalizing everything of value, one may ultimately face a shocking surprise.

“But the courts in Los Angeles annulled my marriage,” Sharon insisted. “Rabbi, it happened such a long time ago, and it lasted only six hours—a stupid mistake. Done, finished, forgotten forever!” Rabbi Chaim Mentz, the Chabad-Lubavitch emissary in Bel Air, California, listened sympathetically. He really felt for Sharon and Andrew, a nice young couple who wanted him to officiate at their upcoming marriage. “I understand how you feel, Sharon,” he explained patiently. “But you see, Jewish law prohibits marriage if the bride or groom had been married before, but not divorced according to Jewish law. A court annulment is not enough. A proper bill of divorce, a get, must be obtained.” Sharon and Andrew looked devastated. “Don’t worry,” Rabbi Mentz calmed them. “We’re dealing with a formality, but behind this formality lies the truism that everything a person does has meaning, and so no action should be taken lightly. I will assist you in the procedure, and things will work out for the best.” “Yeah,” Sharon thought to herself. “I wonder what good can come from adding extra hassles to my six-page-long list of things to do.” With the rabbi’s guidance, Sharon contacted the Jewish rabbinical court (beit din) in Los Angeles, and in a matter of weeks she had the get in hand. The rabbi at the beit din wished her well. “Now you can go about planning your upcoming marriage with joy and peace of mind,” he concluded warmly. “We have it all planned already,” Sharon assured him with a smile. “We’re getting married on the fifth of December.” The rabbi shook his head with concern. “Oh dear, I’m sorry you didn’t mention that earlier. You see, Jewish law requires that in a case such as yours, you must wait three months before marrying. As you have already demonstrated a high regard for the law, you will surely continue to do so as you begin your new life. May you be blessed in all your endeavors.” The first thing Sharon did was call Andrew, then she called Rabbi Mentz. “Rabbi,” she blurted. “I can’t believe this! All our plans, the wedding, our honeymoon! You mean we have to reschedule everything?!” Rabbi Mentz gently explained the law and its reasons, and encouraged Sharon and Andrew to abide by it. “Judaism maintains that G‑d is the active third party in every marriage. You’ll be demonstrating how important it is to have Him as a partner in your life.” After some consideration, Sharon and Andrew informed Rabbi Mentz that they would comply with the law, and they rescheduled their wedding for January 23, 2005. On December 26, they realized just how vital to their lives their Third Partner was. This would have been one of the last days of the honeymoon they had originally planned, and they would have been spending it at the now famous Kaafu Atoll Maldives Hotel on Lankanfushi Island. The room they had reserved was one of those swept away by the devastating tsunami of December 2004!

[From Excuse Me, Are You Jewish? by Malka Touger. Published by Emet Publications.]